A Really Bad Day

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.

Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."

"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."

"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

"Circumcised"

For all of you in education, with sons, grandsons, or who just
love the things little kids say ~ a reminder that adult words are often
taken literally.....

"Circumcised" (this is priceless!)
A teacher noticed that a little boy at the back of the class was
squirming around, scratching his crotch, and not paying attention.
She went back to find out what was going on.
He was quite embarrassed and whispered that he had just recently been
circumcised and he was quite itchy.
The teacher told him to go down to the principal's office.
He was to telephone his mother and ask her what he should do about it.
He did and returned to his class.
Suddenly, there was a commotion at the back of the room.
She went back to investigate only to find him sitting at his
desk with his "private part" hanging out.
"I thought I told you to call your mom!" she said.
"I did," he said, "And she told me that if I could stick it out
till noon, she'd come and pick me up from school

The Salesman

A young guy from Minnesota moves to Florida and goes
to a big "everything under one roof" department
store looking for a job.

The Manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah. I was a salesman back in
Minnesota ."

Well, the boss liked the kid and gave him the job.

"You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and
see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough, but he got through
it. After the
store was locked up, the boss came down."How many
customers bought something from you today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20
to 30 customers a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says "$101,237.65."

The boss says "$101,237.65? What the heck did you
sell?"

The kid says, "First, I sold him a small fishhook.
Then I sold him a medium fishhook.
Then I sold him a larger fishhook.
Then I sold him a new fishing rod.
Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he
said down the coast, so I told him he was going to
need a boat, so we went down to the boat department
and I sold him a twin engine Chris Craft.
Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would
pull it, so I took
him down to the automotive department and sold him
that 4x4 expedition."

The boss said,"A guy came in here to buy a fishhook,
and you sold him a BOAT AND A TRUCK???!!!"

The kid said, "No, the guy came in here to buy Tampons
for his wife,and I said, "Dude, your weekend's shot,
you should go fishing........"