Ok, I almost posted this on my site...but now I realize...this is for you...
THE DEER HUNT 1:00am Alarm clock rings
2:00am Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
2:30am Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pick-up
3:00am Leave home for deep woods
3:15am Drive back home and pick up gun
3:30am Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
4:00am Set up camp - Realize that you forgot the damned tent
4:30am Head out into woods
6:05am See eight (8) deer
6:06am Take aim and squeeze trigger
6:07am "Click"
6:08am Load gun while watching deer go over the hill
8:00am Head back to camp
9:00am Still looking for camp
10:00am Realize you don't know where the camp is
-Noon- Fire gun for help - eat some wild berries
12:15pm Ran out of bullets - 8 deer come back
12:20pm Strange feeling in stomach
12:30pm Realize you ate poison berries
12:45pm Rescued!!
12:55pm Rushed to the hospital to have stomach pumped
3:00pm Arrive back at camp
3:30pm Leave camp to kill deer
4:00pm Return to camp for bullets
4:01pm Load gun - leave camp again
5:00pm Empty gun on squirrel that is really bugging you
6:00pm Arrive at camp. See deer grazing in camp.
6:01pm Load Gun
6:02pm Fire gun
6:03pm One Dead Truck
6:05pm Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer!
6:06pm Suppress strong desire to shoot partner
6:07pm In doing so, stumble and fall into fire
6:10pm Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire
6:15pm Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in woods
6:25pm Pick-up boils over - discover bullet hole in radiator
6:26pm Start walking
6:30pm Started crying, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
6:35pm Meet great big Bear!
6:35pm Take aim
6:36pm Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud.
6:36pm Lose all control of bodily functions.
6:37pm Climb tree
9:00pm Bear departing, wraps gun around the tree
9:03pm Feeling relieved that bear is gone
9:04pm Start climbing down the tree
9:05pm Fall out of tree
-Midnight- Home at last
-Sunday- Sitting in bed with cast on leg watching TV, slowly tearing hunting license into itty-bitty pieces, place into envelope, mail to the Game Warden with very clear instructions.
1 comment:
Ok, I almost posted this on my site...but now I realize...this is for you...
THE DEER HUNT
1:00am Alarm clock rings
2:00am Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed
2:30am Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pick-up
3:00am Leave home for deep woods
3:15am Drive back home and pick up gun
3:30am Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight
4:00am Set up camp - Realize that you forgot the damned tent
4:30am Head out into woods
6:05am See eight (8) deer
6:06am Take aim and squeeze trigger
6:07am "Click"
6:08am Load gun while watching deer go over the hill
8:00am Head back to camp
9:00am Still looking for camp
10:00am Realize you don't know where the camp is
-Noon- Fire gun for help - eat some wild berries
12:15pm Ran out of bullets - 8 deer come back
12:20pm Strange feeling in stomach
12:30pm Realize you ate poison berries
12:45pm Rescued!!
12:55pm Rushed to the hospital to have stomach pumped
3:00pm Arrive back at camp
3:30pm Leave camp to kill deer
4:00pm Return to camp for bullets
4:01pm Load gun - leave camp again
5:00pm Empty gun on squirrel that is really bugging you
6:00pm Arrive at camp. See deer grazing in camp.
6:01pm Load Gun
6:02pm Fire gun
6:03pm One Dead Truck
6:05pm Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer!
6:06pm Suppress strong desire to shoot partner
6:07pm In doing so, stumble and fall into fire
6:10pm Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire
6:15pm Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in woods
6:25pm Pick-up boils over - discover bullet hole in radiator
6:26pm Start walking
6:30pm Started crying, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud
6:35pm Meet great big Bear!
6:35pm Take aim
6:36pm Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud.
6:36pm Lose all control of bodily functions.
6:37pm Climb tree
9:00pm Bear departing, wraps gun around the tree
9:03pm Feeling relieved that bear is gone
9:04pm Start climbing down the tree
9:05pm Fall out of tree
-Midnight- Home at last
-Sunday- Sitting in bed with cast on leg watching TV, slowly
tearing hunting license into itty-bitty pieces, place into envelope,
mail to the Game Warden with very clear instructions.
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