Love Sucks

Funny and Sadistic! What else do you need?

Rip a PhoneBook in Half

This would be a Great Party Trick!


How To Rip A Phonebook In Half - video powered by Metacafe

Be Afraid!! Very Afraid

I don't know what to say about this other that it's a freakin funny picture

A U.S. Admiral was attending a Naval conference that included admirals from the U.S., English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies. At a cocktail reception, he found himself standing with a group of half dozen or so officers that included personnel from most of the countries.

Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans learn many languages, Americans learn only English. He then asked, "Why is it that we always have to speak English in these conferences rather than speaking French?"

Without hesitating, the American Admiral replied, "Maybe it's because the Brits, Canadians, Aussies and Americans worked it out several years ago so you wouldn't have to speak German."

Suddenly the group became very quiet.

Bizzare Tombstone

Virgin Mobile-Cut the Cord

Virgin Mobile-Cut the Cord

Tickle Me Emo

Just in time for the Christmas season it's Tickle Me Emo

A Christmas Story

'Twas the night before Christmas--Old Santa was pissed.
He cussed out the elves and threw down his list.
Miserable little brats, ungrateful little jerks. I have a good mind to scrap the whole works!
I've busted my ass for damn near a year,
Instead of "Thanks Santa"--what do I hear?
The old lady bitches cause I work late at night.
The elves want more money--The reindeer all fight.
Rudolph got drunk and goosed all the maids.
Donner is pregnant and Vixen has AIDS.
And just when I thought that things would get better
Those assholes from the IRS sent me a letter,
They say I owe taxes--if that ain't funny
Who the hell ever sent Santa Claus any money?
And the kids these days--they all are the pits
They want the impossible--Those mean little shits
I spent a whole year making wagons and sleds
Assembling dolls...Their arms, legs and heads
I made a ton of yo yo's--No request for them,
They want computers and robots...they think - I'm IBM!
Flying through the air...dodging the trees
Fa lling down chimneys and skinning my knees
I'm quitting this job there's just no enjoyment
I'll sit on my fat ass and draw unemployment.
There's no Christmas this year now you know the reason,
I found me a blonde. I'm going SOUTH for the season

Amazing Billard Trick Shots

12/19/2006 - This guy is friggin amazing. Check out some of these trick pool shots he makes.

Slow Down or Stop?

A lawyer from New York City runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a NC State Trooper. Being from New York, he thinks that he is smarter than the NC Trooper because he is sure that he has a better education. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Trooper's expense...

Trooper says, "License and registration, please."

Lawyer says "What for?"

Trooper says, "You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign."

Lawyer says, "I slowed down, and no one was coming."

Trooper says, "You still didn't come to a complete stop. License and registration, please."

Lawyer says, "What's the difference?"

Trooper says, "The difference is, you have to come to a complete stop, that's the law. License and registration, please!"

Lawyer says, "If you can show me the difference between slow down and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you give me the ticket, if not you'll let me go and no ticket."

The Trooper says, "All right then Sir, exit your vehicle please."

At this point, the Trooper takes out his nightstick and starts beating the heck out of the lawyer and says: "Do you want me to stop, or just slow down?"

Christmas Carols for the Disturbed

1. Schizophrenia --- Do You Hear What I Hear?

2. Multiple Personality Disorder --- We Three Kings Disoriented Are

3. Dementia --- I Think I'll be Home for Christmas

4. Narcissistic --- Hark the Herald Angels Sing About Me

5. Manic --- Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Trees and Streets and Office and Cars and Buses and Trucks and.....

6. Paranoid--- Santa Claus is Coming to Town to Get Me

7. Borderline Personality Disorder --- Thoughts of Roasting on an Open Fire

8. Personality Disorder --- You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna pout, Maybe I'll Tell You Why

9. Attention Deficit Disorder --- Silent night, Holy oooh look at the froggy - can I have a chocolate, why is France so far away?

10. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder --Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle,Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle, Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells, Jingle Bells

Football Fan

A man had 50 yard line tickets for the Steelers-Seahawks Super Bowl Game in Detroit, MI. As he sat down, a man approached him and asked him if the seat next to him was available.

"Yes," he said sadly, "the seat is empty."

"This is incredible", exclaimed the man. "Who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the Super Bowl, the biggest sports event in the world, and not use it?"

Somberly, the seated man replied, "Well... the seat actually belongs to me. I was supposed to come here with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we have not been together since we got married in 1967."

"Oh I'm sorry to hear that. That's terrible. But couldn't you find someone else - a friend or relative or even a neighbor to take the seat?"

Shaking his head he replied, "No. They're all at her funeral."

Don't Send Dwight

Please Don't Send Dwight

Add to My Profile | More Videos

The Office Christmas Video

I love this show!!

Joke of the Day

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

"Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!"

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.
The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it."

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, Nice horse you got there, sir, did Santa bring it to you?"

"Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.

Vaseline

A man doing market research for the Vaseline Company knocked at the door
and was greeted by a young woman with three small children running
around at her feet.

"I'm doing some research for Vaseline. Have you ever used the product?"

She said, "Yes. My husband and I use it all the time."

"If you don't mind my asking," he said, "what do you use it for?"

"We use it for sex," she said.

The researcher was a little taken aback.

"Usually people lie to me and say they use it on a child's bicycle chain
or to help with a gate hinge.

But, in fact, I know that most people do use it for sex.

I admire you for your honesty. Since you've been so frank so far, will
you tell me exactly HOW you use it for sex?"

The woman said, "I don't mind telling you at all. My husband and I put
it on the doorknob and it keeps the kids out."

Bad Joke of the Day

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table.He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket toward the man.He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.."Oh my, I am so sorry, "the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterward they go to the theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap and stay for breakfast. They had a wonderful, wonderful time.The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed. Everything had been SO incredible!"You know, "he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"No, "she replies. . . "
"You just happened to catch my eye."

Ask The Fruitcake Lady

This is pretty funny, people on the street seek advice from the fruitcake lady. Dont let her appearance fool you, she does not hold back at all.

Who says rednecks aren't real bright

Hello, is this here the Sheriff's Office?" "Yes. What can I do for you?" "I'm calling to report my neighbor, Virgil Smith. He's a drillin' holes in his farwood and hidin' marijuana inside!" "Thank you very much for the call, sir." The next day, the Sheriff and his deputies descend on Virgil's house. They search the shed where Virgil keeps the firewood. Using axes, they split every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They sneer at Virgil and leave. The phone rings at Virgil's house. "Hey, Virgil! This here is Floyd. Did the Sheriff come?" "Yeah!" "Did they split yer farwood?" "Yep!" "Happy Birthday, buddy!" (Who says rednecks aren't real bright?)