We better check EBAY
LONDON (Reuters) - The "flying" Ford Anglia used in the Harry Potter films has been stolen from a film studio lot, police said on Friday.
"For those who have not seen the Harry Potter films, this is the car that flies in the movies and is very well known," a police spokesman said.
The blue Anglia went missing from South West Film Studios at St Agnes in the southwestern English county of Cornwall.
"The film prop was being stored under a tarpaulin. It was not in good condition and could not have been driven away under its own steam," the police spokesman said.
Monday, October 31, 2005
Wednesday, October 26, 2005
Halloween
A cabbie picks up a Nun. She gets into the cab, and the cab driver
won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to
offend you".
She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as
I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear
just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask
that would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that but you
have to be single and you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker
blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts
crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and
I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a
Halloween party."
won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to
offend you".
She answers, " My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as
I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear
just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask
that would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that but you
have to be single and you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy with a kiss that would make a hooker
blush. But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts
crying.
"My dear child," said the nun, why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied. I must confess, I'm married and
I'm Jewish." The nun says, "That's OK, my name is Kevin and I'm going to a
Halloween party."
Bad Joke of the Day
You can blame this one on James.
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan
Why does a chicken coop have 2 doors?
Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan
Monday, October 24, 2005
Sic 'em, Jesus!
A burglar had been casing a particular house for some time. Finally, he saw the owners leave for what appeared to be an extended camping trip. That night he broke in through a basement window and was trying to find his way in the dark when he heard what seemed to him to be the voice of a very old woman saying, "Shame on you! I see you, and Jesus sees you!"
Startled, the burglar snarls back, "Shut up, Grandma, or you're gonna get hurt!" He shines his flashlight all around, but no Grandma.
Again the voice, "Shame on you! I see you, and Jesus sees you!" Finally, the beam of the flashlight finds a large cage and in it a pretty upset parrot. Relieved, the burglar turns back around and starts toward the stairs, only to spot an enormous slavering doberman waiting at the top.
Just then the parrot screams, "Sic 'em, Jesus!"
Startled, the burglar snarls back, "Shut up, Grandma, or you're gonna get hurt!" He shines his flashlight all around, but no Grandma.
Again the voice, "Shame on you! I see you, and Jesus sees you!" Finally, the beam of the flashlight finds a large cage and in it a pretty upset parrot. Relieved, the burglar turns back around and starts toward the stairs, only to spot an enormous slavering doberman waiting at the top.
Just then the parrot screams, "Sic 'em, Jesus!"
Chris Rock's Quote of the Year:
"You know the world is going crazy when the best rapper is a white guy,
the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese,
the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U. S. of
arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most
powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.
the best golfer is a black guy, the tallest guy in the NBA is Chinese,
the Swiss hold the America's Cup, France is accusing the U. S. of
arrogance, Germany doesn't want to go to war, and the three most
powerful men in America are named 'Bush', 'Dick', and 'Colon'.
White Trash Survival Kit
I believe that many of the people of New Orleans and the victims of Katrina would have faired much better if they were more prepared like these folks.
For future disasters let's review their survival kit .........
White Trash Survival Kit
Toilet Paper.................................check
Bud Light....................................check
Keystone Ice...............................check
Budweiser....................................check
Red Dog.....................................check
Misc. other bottles of alcohol........check
Piece of plywood to float your chick and booze on ...check
Next time let's all be this prepared
Friday, October 14, 2005
Thursday, October 13, 2005
Monday, October 10, 2005
Top Ten signs you're at a Redneck Church
10. The Preacher says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering" -- and five guys stand up.
9. First day of deer season is an official church holiday.
8. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
7. The church directory doesn't have last names.
6. There's no such thing as a "secret" sin.
5. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer -- and only so their neighbors won't leave them a bag of squash.
4. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
3. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
2. People wonder if Jesus fed the 5,000 with two bass or two catfish.
...and the number one sign you're at a redneck church...
The final words of the benediction: "Y'all come back now, ya hear?"
Tags: funny jokes, jokes, redneck jokes
9. First day of deer season is an official church holiday.
8. Prayers regarding the weather are a standard part of every worship service.
7. The church directory doesn't have last names.
6. There's no such thing as a "secret" sin.
5. The only time people lock their cars in the parking lot is during the summer -- and only so their neighbors won't leave them a bag of squash.
4. There is a special fund-raiser for a new septic tank.
3. Finding and returning lost sheep is not just a parable.
2. People wonder if Jesus fed the 5,000 with two bass or two catfish.
...and the number one sign you're at a redneck church...
The final words of the benediction: "Y'all come back now, ya hear?"
Tags: funny jokes, jokes, redneck jokes
Friday, October 07, 2005
Thursday, October 06, 2005
Signs that you're growing up
1. Your potted plants stay alive.
2. Fooling around in a twin sized bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don't
know how to turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
17. Dinner and a movie = The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and
pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff,'
21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
22. Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi & Ho-Ho's.
23. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink
that much again."
24. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
25. You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
2. Fooling around in a twin sized bed is absurd.
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hookup and breakup.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.
10. You're the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don't
know how to turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.
17. Dinner and a movie = The whole date instead of the beginning of one.
18. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information.
19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and
pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff,'
21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.
22. Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi & Ho-Ho's.
23. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink
that much again."
24. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
25. You don't drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
NEVER QUESTION A DRUNK!
A woman was shopping at her local supermarket
where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee
and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check
out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in
front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk
calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to
her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you
know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
where she selected a half-gallon of 2% milk, a carton of eggs,
a quart of orange juice, a head of romaine lettuce, a 2 lb. can of coffee
and a 1 lb. package of bacon.
As she was unloading her items on the conveyor belt to check
out, a drunk standing behind her watched as she placed the items in
front of the cashier.
While the cashier was ringing up her purchases, the drunk
calmly stated, "You must be single."
The woman was a bit startled by this proclamation, but she was
intrigued by the derelict's intuition, since she was indeed single.
She looked at her six items on the belt and saw nothing
particularly unusual about her selections that could have tipped off the drunk to
her marital status. Curiosity getting the better of her, she said "Well, you
know what, you're absolutely correct. But how on earth did you know that?"
The drunk replied, "Cause you're ugly."
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