Blonde Joke

a blonde wants to get a job at the police station so she goes to apply for the job. While there, the officer asks her what 1+1 is and she says 11 and he says well i guess you could look at it that way. Then he asks her what is a day of the week that starts with a T and she says today, and once again he says well i guess so. Then he asks one last question- who shot Abraham Lincoln? and she says let me think about and come back tomorrow.

When she gets home that night, her husband says how did it go? and she says "Great, i just got my first homicide case, i have to figure out who shot Abraham Lincoln"

A couple at church

An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through she leans over and says to her husband," I just let out a silent fart, what do you think I should do?"

He replies " Put a new battery in your hearing aid."

The Elevator

An Amish boy and his father were visiting a nearby mall. They
were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by
two shiny silver walls that moved apart and back together again
by themselves.

The lad asked, "What is this, father?"
The father (having never seen an elevator) responded, "I have
no idea what it is."

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old
lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed
a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them
into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father
watched as small circles lit up above the walls.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful twenty-four-year-old
woman stepped out.

The father looked at his son anxiously and said, "Go get your
mother."

Prison Trade

Don was sent to prison. He got along well with his fellow
inmates, and with the guards, and even the warden liked him.
Deciding that Don deserved to learn a trade, the warden
arranged for him to become a carpenter. After several years,
Don was earning recognition as one of the best carpenters in
the area and would often be given a weekend pass to do odd
jobs, always reporting back to the prison by the end of the day
on Sundays. One day, the warden called Don into his office and
asked if he would build a set of kitchen cupboards and fit the
revamped kitchen for a new counter top, which he had promised
his wife.

"Gee, I sure would like to, warden," Don told him, "but counter-
fitting is what got me into prison in the first place!"

Horse country

A man walked into a cowboy bar and ordered a beer just as former
President Clinton appeared on the television.

After a few sips, he looked up at the television and mumbled:

"Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen."

A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to
him, and decked him.

A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary
Clinton appeared on the television.

"She's a horse's ass too!" the man said.

This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood
up, walked over to him, and knocked him off his stool.

"Damn it!" the man said, climbing back up to the bar. "This must
be Clinton country!"

"Nope," the bartender replied, "Horse country!"