Dead Cat

A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead.

"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.

"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently.

You did WHAT?!?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise.

"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

Have a Great Weekend... David

Dumbest Guy on Earth

This picture is real - not doctored in any way - and was taken by a
Transportation Supervisor for a company that delivers building materials
for 84 Lumber. When he saw it in the parking lot of IHOP, he went to buy a camera to take pictures.

The car is still running, as can be witnessed by the exhaust. A woman is either asleep or otherwise out in the front seat passenger side. The driver was jogging up and down on Rt. 925.(in the background)Witnesses said their physical/mental state was OTHER than normal. The driver finally came back after the police were called, and was found crouched behind the rear of the car, ttempting to cut the twine around the load! Luckily, the police stopped him and had the load removed. The materials were loaded at Home Depot. Their store manager said they made the customer sign a waiver. While the plywood and 2X4s are fairly obvious, what you can t see is the back seat, which contains -- are you ready for this? --10 bags of concrete @ 80 lbs. each. They estimated the load weight at 3000 lbs. Both back tires exploded, the wheels bent and the back shocks were driven through the floorboard. The car, with FLA (naturally) plates, was headed for Clanton, Al. where the couple presumably planned to build a new house."

Submitted by LaDon

Hot Revenge

Two missionaries in Africa were apprehended by a tribe of very hostile cannibals who put them in a large pot of water, built a huge fire under it, and left them there.
A few minutes later, one of the missionaries started to laugh uncontrollably.

The other missionary couldn't believe it! He said, ''What's wrong with you? We're being boiled alive! They're gonna eat us! What could possibly be funny at a time like this?''

The other missionary replied, ''I just peed in the soup!''

MY FIRST METH LAB

My First Meth Lab.. Every Kid needs a Hobby!!

A very true bathroom wall statement....

"Never trust anything that bleeds for 5 days and doesn't die."
Men's Room, Murphy's, Champaign, IL

Submited by Mary M.

Fly in the Urinal?

In Amsterdam, the tile under Schiphol's urinals would pass inspection in and operating room. But nobody notices. What everbody does notice is that each urinal has a fly in it. Look harder, and the fly turns into the black outline of a fly, etched into the porcelain. It improves the aim. If a man sees a fly, he aims at it. Fly-in-urinal research found that etchings reduce spillage by 80%. It gives a guy something to think about. That's the perfect example of process control. 

Bathroom Wall Sayings

Submitted by Shaie W. Amarillo TX

Friends don't let friends
take home ugly men
Women's restroom
Starboard, Dewey Beach, DE

Beauty is only a light switch away.
Perkins Library, Duke University, Durham, NC

If life is a waste of time,
and time is a waste of life,
then let's all get wasted together
and have the time of our lives.
Armand's Pizza, Washington, DC

Remember, it's not,
"How high are you?"
it's "Hi, how are you?"
Rest stop off Route 81, West Virginia

Fighting for peace is like
screwing for virginity.
The Bayou, Baton Rouge, LO

No matter how good she looks,
some other guy is sick and tired
of putting up with her shit.
Men's Room
Linda's Bar and Grill, Chapel Hill, NC

At the feast of ego
everyone leaves hungry.
Bentley's House of Coffee and Tea, Tucson, AZ

It's hard to make a comeback
when you haven't been anywhere.
Written in the dust on the back of a bus,
Wickenburg, AZ

Make love, not war.
-Hell, do both
GET MARRIED!
Women's restroom
The Filling Station, Bozeman, MT


If voting could really change things,
it would be illegal.
Revolution Books
New York, New York.

If pro is opposite of con,then what is the
opposite of progress? Congress!
Men's restroom House of Representatives,
Washington, DC

Express Lane:
Five beers or less
Sign over one of the urinals
Ed Debevic's, Phoenix, AZ

You're too good for him.
Sign over mirror in Women's restroom
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,CA.

No wonder you always go home alone.
Sign over mirror in Men's restroom,
Ed Debevic's, Beverly Hills,CA
and my favorite, and most realistic one

A Woman's Rule of Thumb:
If it has tires or testicles,
you're going to have trouble with it.
Women's restroom
Dick's Last Resort, Dallas, TX

EYESIGHT

A husband and wife are getting ready for bed. The wife is standing in front of a full length mirror taking a hard look at herself.

"You know, love," she says, "I look in the mirror and I see an old woman.
My face is all wrinkled, my boobs are barely above my waist, my rear end is hanging out a mile, I've got fat legs and my arms are all flabby." She turns to her husband and says, "Tell me something positive to make me feel better about myself."

He thinks about it for a bit and then says, "Well......there's certainly
nothing wrong with your eyesight."

POLICE ARREST MAN FOR DRUGS IN 'BORROWED' PANTS

Friends should not let friends borrow their jeans.

Amarillo police arrested Curtis Ray Bullock, 33, of Amarillo for possession of marijuana after security officials at Rick Husband Amarillo International Airport reportedly found marijuana inside his pants, said Sgt. Randy TenBrink of the Amarillo Police Department.

When security officials confronted Bullock, who was scheduled to board a flight to Oklahoma City, about the marijuana, Bullock reportedly told airport police that he didn't have any clean clothes, and that he was borrowing the pants, TenBrink said.

"He said he didn't know the marijuana was inside the pants," TenBrink said.

Amarillo Police took Curtis to Potter County Detention Center after they arrested him, TenBrink said.

The Perfect Haircut

The perfect haircut for those long boring business meetings or classes.

REDNECK DIVORCE

This is perfect for the first post. ENJOY!!

DEAR COOTER,

ME AN SUE ELLEN HAVE DIVORCED, THE JUDGE GAVE HER THE DOUBLE WIDE AND THE PICKUP. SO, LIKE THE COURT ORDER SAID, I DELIVERED THE TRUCK BEFORE 2 O'CLOCK, YESTERDAY AFTERNOON ! I TOOK A PICTURE FER PROOF
THAT I DELIVERED IT... WANTED TO MAKE SURE SHE FOUND IT WHEN SHE GOT HOME!!!

HOW'S YOUR DAY GOING? SEE YA LATER,

YOUR BUDDY,
BUBBA

.............see attached photo!!